Friday, September 18, 2009

Dear Ani,

You silly girl. Not having you at my Christmas Eve party brings me great sorrow. As of late, I have been attempting to be more mature about such matters (or more mature in general). Even with my youthful ways, I sometimes see something as being so far in the distance that the pain doesn't wallop my right atrium until closer to the date. I can't believe I am confessing this to you, it makes my attempt at maturity only that.... an attempt. I didn't want your feelings hurt by my new found sophistication though. Give me something else! Give me another challenge, if you would, and let me be mature about it the whole way through.

I am so excited that you will be reading The Secret Life of Bee's. What a lovely book! I have not yet been successful at a movie first, book second- so I hope that works for you. As a matter of fact, even though I read the book first I had already seen who was playing who in the movie and that was hard enough for me. Imagine my surprise though when I discovered that I was wrong in imagining the wrong person playing certain parts. I thought I had them cast more fittingly but who am I to say? That's not very mature of me to say that I could do better than the casting director, is it?

I don't know if I'll ever get this maturity issue under control.

You have been busy. Like the saying goes- when it rains, it pours. Just this morning I was looking at my calender and next month will be similar to what you just described. In one and one half weeks time I will have to teach a leadership class to about a dozen teenagers, make a lunch for 160 people and teach at another leadership meeting consisting of adults. I am torn between taking on the challenge with adoration, as I often take on challenges. Or running to our mother crying. Regardless, that week and a half won't be successful without me looking heavenward in supplication.

Before I end my letter to you I must share what I noticed yesterday. Zoe seems quiet to most but she can be quite chatty at home. Yesterday she wanted to tell me about her day at school and I do believe she started with the moment I delivered her to the front doors and told every single detail about every minute she was in school. I noticed though that I wasn't listening to the words she was saying, I was lost in watching her. From her most expressive eyes (those eyebrows were all over the place) to her mouth that contorts all sorts of ways (do I want her speech teacher to "fix" that? I am not so sure), it was distracting in the most loving way. I don't want to ever forget those moments of being fixated on her beautiful little face that is so alive and dramatic. I want her whole life to be made into a movie. Whether she's mad at me and giving me a fit or if she's in a silly mood and has the giggles- her face is the most amazing thing to watch. They say a heart is the size of a fist, how can the love I have for Zoe fit into my fist? How could it fit into Texas? And that's me talking about only one of my children- so times 5, HOW?

It's the most amazing thing.

Your visit is fast approaching and I am getting excited (in the most mature way possible) every minute!

Much love,

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